Building a régime

I may be the laziest person in the world.

No, seriously.

I would rather not go pee than leave my bed.

Or I would rather call in sick at work than walk 15 mins to my office. (Only done that once, PROMISE!)

So it is no surprise that I don't really work out.

Its so much work! And I don't mean the workout itself.

You have to get up, get undressed, get dressed, take off the make up (I hate sweating on a dirty face), put on the shoes, get the bottle of water, find the key to the gym, find the house keys, get the phone, find the ipod. FINALLY leave the apt, walk to the gym, settle on a machine, figure out how to work the machine and FINALLY start.

See? Exhausting. Too much work in just getting ready.

However, I realized that I need to somehow get off my butt and do something.

A few weeks ago I started making myself get up in the morning and go for a jog.

And you know what? Despite my laziness, I enjoyed it!

I enjoyed my 'me time' that came with it, I enjoyed creating a playlist and I enjoyed the cold weather.

The only bad part is that about a year and 10 months ago I injured my left ankle quite badly and cold weather makes it cramp and hurt very easily. Because of that, I've been having to take it slow so as to not be on bed rest again.

Thanks to my new addiction, pinterest.com, I have found little 10-12 min workouts I can do in the morning and at night. These are easy movement exercises that put little to no effort on my injured foot. They aren't the best and they might be working very slow, but at least I'm getting off my arse.

Truth is, ever since I started doing them, I do feel better. I kinda think it is all psychological but I don't care. It's making me happy, its making me breath better and it's slowly getting me off my depression (which doesn't mean that I am not sad/upset about my ongoing events).

I've also noted that I eat a lot less and somewhat healthier. Now, I think some of it may be that my emotions are still taking over the best of my body (for the best or for the worst. I tend to eat too little/nothing at all or eat an entire village) but I want to think that somehow this whole 'I'm building some sort of regime thing' is at fault. In the mornings, I tend to crave fruit, which is a first to me and in the past few weeks I have been cooking more than usual.

See, healthier!

Or at least healthier than eating out at fast food places.

I started to do this to be healthier. Now, I am just doing it because it makes me feel better.

And the laziness? It's still there but now, I'm kicking its arse!

25

For some odd reason, my mother has been bugging me about what I want to do for my birthday.

This would seem a natural question if it wasn't for the fact that it's about 4.5 months away! I have no idea what has gotten into that women but she keeps asking.

I normally hate my birthday. It makes me quite uncomfortable for people to devote their day and time to me. Even when its genuine, I always feel like its fake. As if people are being made to celebrate my day and not really wanting to do it. Whether this is correct or not, I do not like celebrating my birthday (which is quite ironic because I love being the center of attention).

But because my mother keeps pestering me about what I want, its been on my mind for a few days now. My birthday comes on a Tuesday, which means that I will have to work. Which means I won't be able to do something big.

And then it hit me. I don't want the day to be about me. I want it to be about others.

During my undergrad years, I was fortunate enough to encounter an organization and its individuals that strive themselves in service. Before college I had been involved in several things and thanks to this organization my efforts continued. Even though I am not that active in my community now, I still try to pitch in here and there.

For my birthday, I will be doing 25 random acts of kindness, community service or just something for anyone else. It can be as small as buying lunch for someone who I know is tight on money to buying a goat for a family in another country (and yes, I am not kidding on that).

I will be starting quite soon actually as I already found my first act. I will be sponsoring an 11 month old child in need of clothing. A close friend of mine taught me to always advocate for children and pets as they are the ones that often don't have a voice and with that in mind I picked this baby. I am more than excited about my choice and I can't wait to go shopping for him! (Great excuse for black friday =D)

So, I have one under my belt. I need 24 more.

During lunch yesterday I asked The Best Friend to help with any ideas. He just looked at me, said ok, smiled and kept on eating his vegetables.

Thanks for the help.

SO!If you are reading this and have some ideas, pitch in! I would love to hear them and add them to my birthday bucket list. These acts can be something that I carry out on my own or something I can do with a group.

I am very excited about this project and even more excited for my 25 birthday =D

I say a little prayer for you

The last month and 3 days have been quite challenging. With the combination of my own personal situations and the ongoing events with my family, its been a very heavy emotional roller coaster. I realized things were heading south very quickly when I was constantly making visits to the bathroom to shed a few tears during work hours.

Like I said, things have not been a pretty peachy color around here.

A few days ago, I got the cherry on top of the big cake. A very unexpected occurance crawled into my life and now I am learning how to deal with it.

This news was the last straw for me. I crumbled. I have been trying, albeit many times not succeeded, to be a strong, focused individual. I have become the backbone of emotional support for my mother and I couldn't fathom being a wreck in front of her if I was trying to help cope with our pain. I was swallowing it all in, showing a strong facade and try to only cope in private.

But I crumbled.

It is quite hard pretending to be strong when your insides are constantly screaming for help, a shoulder to cry on and just a simple hug. For the past 30+ days, I've laughed, smiled and even gone out more than my usual self. All things of putting up a front.

When that last cherry arrived a few days ago and I crumbled, I prayed.

For anyone, that would seem something normal to do. In time of need, reach out to your higher being.

Not for me.

I have constantly struggled with the construction of organized religion or the belief of any higher being. If I can't see it or hear it, I can't believe in it. I was once challenged by explaining what love is, given that I can't see it or hear it. It took me a while to realize that faith is just the same as love, I have to feel it. The truth is that I have never felt some hunch or indication that there is a god or goddess. And the boundaries of organized religion have never made any sense to me. I very much respect those individuals who worship a being of some sort, being a god or a rubber band, and I commend them for it. Me, I'm in the minority of diagnosing myself as atheist or agnostic.

However, on this occassion, praying just happened. I didn't realize what I had done until a few minutes after I was done. I realized that out of nowhere I had asked for the well being of my family and those I love.

And then I felt guilt.

Guilt because I never pray willingly and now, the first time in who knows how long, I had asked for something only in my time of need. The Best Friend (who used to be The Roommate but now has left my humble abode for his own) reassured that if it came naturally then it must be needed. Seeing as how he is always right, I stopped thinking about it. The guilt didn't go away and there wasn't much I couldn't do so I just let it be.

I began to wonder what it was that make me want to pray. As humans, we are constantly looking for that connections with someone (why else would we spend countless hours trying to find our mate? Come on! There are even websites dedicated to it. Harmony.com anyone?). In times of despair, we have turned to reach out to those who can lift our spirits and give us hope. That is, what I have discovered, is prayer. Its the feeling of telling someone, or something, that we need someone to talk to and to reassure us that things will be ok. It's an invisible best friend.

I can't say that I have been converted. I will need a lot more to make me believe that there is a higher being.

But for now, I prayed. And I still feel guilty about doing so but I feel better.