Every three or four months, the institution where I work holds a blood drive. Students and faculty sign up eagerly and do their deed. I sign up too, thinking of the potential usage for my blood and plasma and putting aside my huge fear of needles.
However, every time I donate I get a huge guilt trip inside of me. And I know its stupid and I know that I doing the right thing but I can't help but feel that I am letting an entire community down.
See, more than a few of my very loved and close friends are unable to donate blood. Because they are gay. Gay men who had sex with other men. They did nothing more normal than the average person. And because of it, its like they are now being punished. Honestly, I don't even know if some of these friends would even donate blood but that is beside the point. It is ridiculous (to me) that a simple volunteer exercise is limited to certain individuals.
I would also like to point out that all of my friends practice safe sex and are all illness free, thankyouverymuch.
BUT! Let's look at what this really means: Homophobia. An entire nation wide, respect organization is supporting homophobia. The current rule of banning any man who has had sexual encounters with another man derives from a set of rules that were implemented back in the late 70's with the rise of the AIDS epidemic. Many times deemed as the 'gay disease', we have come a long way to prove that statement incorrect, made drugs widely available to control the disease, created campaigns for self awareness and provide free screenings in clinics nation wide. Yet, institutions such as the blood bank continue to support their decision. It is because of rules and regulations like these that continue to prove the type of homophobic society we live in. It's been almost 50 years since the AIDS epidemic, about 30 years since we have proved that HIV and AIDS can affect anyone, then why hasn't the blood bank change their regulations?
What's more, all blood donations go through three rigorous tests and screenings to ensure the donation is free of any illness.
Today, the local blood bank is on campus asking for donations. As always, I encouraged a few individuals to donate, never knowing how a simple blood donation may save a life. As I was walking back to my office, I saw one of my students writing a note on a simple piece of paper with a marker. The note read something along these lines "I am not allowed to donate blood because I had sex with a man". As I read the note, I couldn't help but feel incredibly angry. Angry at the blood organization for their stupid, incredibly homophobic rule. Here is a student who, by his simple note, is conveying his desire to do a simple act of duty as a human being and he is unable to do so. I told him how I fully support him, his note and close to hate blood drives. He thanked me for my support, pinned his note to his bag for everyone to see and went on with his day. At first, I thought to myself "how brave of him to display that note." Then I realized, it is much more than bravery. This is a fact of his life and, perhaps, a stigma that has been imposed on him.
He wasn't being brave, he was being an activist. And he wasn't looking for pity; he was looking to spread knowledge.
And then I felt the guilt taking over me.
Guilt for not supporting this student and The community and donating blood.
I know that what I am doing is not bad. I know that my simple donation is not necessarily harming. But I still can't help but feel guilty about it. I feel guilty because I call myself an ally to The Community and here I am, doing something that some of them are not 'allowed' to do. It is, perhaps, one of the hardest decisions I have to make every few months. I found solace in the fact that perhaps some of my donations will find its way to a gay individual.
I do not intent to receive praise for my donation, or praise for standing up for an entire community. I do it with mixed emotions and have found my way of balancing that.
What I do want is for everyone to be aware that even good deeds can sometimes be a judgement call for others and our morals may have to make choices that we don't want to make because of 'rules'.
And that the blood bank is on my naughty list.
