On friendships

I don't know exactly how to write this post.

I fear that it will just end up being a stream of consciousness.

However, this post has has been lingering in my head for quite a while. As much as I would like to push it aside, it is for my own sanity that I have chosen to write the smallest portion of this huge part of my life.

It is no secret that I have a hard time relating to people. I tend to automatically dislike people as soon as I meet them and then decide whether I like them or not after a few interactiosn. Even now, looking back, I have had very limited close friends. To narrow things down a bit more, I relate more with men than women; don't ask why because I don't even know.

Don't get me wrong. I've had plenty of women friends, even now, that I consider good friends of mine. And I have also had numerous people who I would even label under the 'best friends' category.

However, I always seem to give it more than the other person. There is nothing wrong with that, every person sees the relationship from a different angle and with different perspectives on how far it should go. My problem is that I ALWAYS seem to take it way more personal that my counterpart. And so, when I realize that our friendship is not as deep as a connection as I thought, I end up being hurt.

Friendships are one of the most important relationships I can even encounter. A friendship, to me, is the foundation of becoming comfortable as a person. I have to thank many of those friendships for making me the person that I am today.

Because of those friendships, I have become a stronger person. I have learned what love is, the definition of a true friend and to allow myself to be comfortable with who I am.

What I have encountered is a lot of hurt. Mostly from my part, for thinking that there was a deeper connection, understanding and love in our friendship.

So, what I have learned is that I really can't trust no one. Even those that I had deemed as close and personal friends have come to defy that title.  I can't trust no one because I don't know when that person is going to walk away. I can't trust no one because I don't know how much of my personal information is going out to the masses via that certain someone. I can't trust no one because I can't put myself through this every single time I think I have a meaningful friendship. I can't trust no one because there should never be a reason to fully trust someone.

What have I learned from this: There is a reason people keep certain things personal, just to themselves.

And that I have been messed up very many times for me to feel this way.

These are a few of my weird things

Everyone has their own little quirks. Some people's food can't touch; others put on the left shoe first. Of course I have my own. I've noticed that I may be a little more weird than the average person, especially with my new random things. So, I am here to prove that theory correct.

Recently, I have developed this obsession with whether I am giving off any unpleasant body odor. I don't know where this came from but I am constantly thinking "Do I smell?"

I like sleeping in a very cold, near freezing place while having a whole bunch of blankets. So every night, regardless of the weather, I have a huge fan blowing while I snuggle under the blankets. That's how I roll.

For the past few days, I've had three drinks before going to bed: a cup of soy chocolate milk, a few sips of lemonade and some water. I don't know where this came from and I don't care to figure it out. All I know is that it's becoming a small ritual and although all the flavors don't go together, my tongue is happy.

Every day, for as long as I can remember since he first came home, I ask Konah two questions: "How was your day? What did you do?" I usually get a 'what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about-woman-I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you-please-give-me-a-treat-now-that-you're-home' look.

I love this pooch.

I ran out of ideas

I was doing so well in coming up with stuff to write about. I actually have TWO posts waiting to be posted; they are sitting there because a) I need to proof read them and b) I need to mentally prepare to what the consequences of one of the posts will be.

So, I thought I was on roll having all these ideas and stuff to write about.

And then I hit a wall.

Really, I did. I was walking the other day in my work complex and I don't know why I forgot there was a wall right next to this classroom and I walked right into it.

Go ahead, laugh. I'll wait. Actually, all go get the laundry while you laugh.

Done? Moving on.
The good thing: NOBODY saw.

The bad thing: I think all of my blog ideas went away with that hit.

To add to all of this, I have been ill for the past 5 years.

Ok, fine, so its not 5 years but that is what it feels like.

I've had headaches, body aches, and fever for over a week now; on and off but still, a week. Today, my stomach decided to join in on the fun of 'let's-torture-Claudia' special and I've had horrible stomach pain for the past 7 hrs. I partially blame my lack of a proper lunch, but wouldn't  no lunch equal no pain?

Apparently not.

So, anyyyywwwwaaaaayyyy. I don't have any blog post ideas.

Actually, I think I may have just thought of one. But I'm not sure people will want to read about that. Then this blog will become a Dear Diary journal, very 6th grade. Not sure I want to go there.

I do have something semi important to share. Well, important to me anyways. And if you don't like it, oh well. It's my blog so I can be as narcissistic as I want.

You know when you have that ONE song stuck in your head? And then you have it on repeat for days? And days? And days?

Has that ever happened to you with TWO songs? No? Well, don't worry, I'll share mine.

Here are my two most recent "I can't stop playing you, one more time! Last time, I swear! NOT!" songs.

Now, I don't really know why its these two. They are random, completely different genres and languages. But everytime I listen to either one of them I can't help but sing my lungs out, which is great because I am the sole owner of the building that houses my office.

The only thing in common between both of them is that they both have very suave leads.

Also, I want to more then marry Romeo, the lead, from Aventura =)

Aventura- Mi Corazoncito



Ne-Yo- One in a million